It was March 30, 2016. I had been on my psych meds, Cipralex and Seroquel, for 14 days, every one of them filled with nausea, dizziness, self-loathing, and now overwhelming suicidal thoughts. I forced myself to stay on the couch, away from the knives, until my kids got home, and then we went out for a walk. It was cold and foggy outside but I didn’t care. I needed to feel cold air on my face to prove to myself that I was alive. And I figured if I was outside with the kids I wouldn’t do something harmful to myself. But as we walked I realized nothing in my brain was changing and it took everything in me not to jump in front of a truck. Then a white van pulled out of the alley in front of us and my plumber, Mark, waved to us. I waved back and ran over to his window. We chatted for a few minutes, he made me laugh, and then he drove off. Those few minutes were enough to switch my brain from suicide to existence. It didn’t change my mental illness or anything long-term but on that grey and hopeless day at the end of March, it was enough to spark me into living to see the next morning.

2 thoughts on “The Day My Plumber Saved My Life

  1. I wish more people understood that those who are suffering from mental illnesses don’t need lectures on how they should “just get over it” or advice on how to get over it. We’re the ones who have it, we’ve researched it, we know the things that are supposed to help us get better…but it doesn’t always help.

    What we need is someone to remind us that we’re human, and we’re okay. Someone to chat with and laugh with. Someone to remind us, even momentarily, what feeling good feels like again because it’s so easy to get drug down into the dark, and so hard to climb back out again when you can’t see anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s exactly how I feel. It doesn’t take much – sometimes just a kind word and a smile can be enough to switch my brain for a few minutes. You’re right – it’s so hard to climb out when you’re at the bottom of a dark pit without a ladder.

      Liked by 1 person

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